Something Sweet with Susan

I recently watched the Michael J. Fox documentary Still.  At the start of the movie, he wakes, he holds his hand in front of his face and his pinky finger is involuntarily moving.  “What is this? Did I hit my head?”  He had a terrible hangover and he replayed what he could remember, from the night before, as he tried to make sense of what was happening with his hand.  

Fall of 2022, I noticed the middle two fingers of my left hand shaking.  I did not say a word to anyone.  This went on for a couple of months, before noticing it was my entire left hand.  I kept it hidden from everyone for about 4 months.  One January evening, while leaving a friend’s house with a food container in my left hand, Greg saw the movement.  He asked,  “Why is your hand shaking?”  I didn’t know what to say. It had been happening more often, and I was scared.  Greg’s father had PD and I did not want him to be worried.  Greg went out of their house before me, I looked back at our friends and said, “It’s happening all the time, and I’m scared.”  By this time, I had already talked to my Chiropractor and he told me it was not coming from my spine needing an adjustment. He said it was probably an Essential Tremor. 

Over the next two months, I talked to my PCP and my Cardiologist and both said the same thing, “It’s probably an Essential Tremor.”  However, my Cardiologist referred me to a Neurologist to make sure nothing else was going on.  I knew deep down it was going to be PD, but was in denial.  After a long examination, the Neurologist could have knocked me off the table with a bird feather when he said, “All of your symptoms present as Parkinson’s, but we need to eliminate everything else before we will know for sure.”  My first thought was this CANNOT be happening to ME.  Exactly a month later, we knew for sure, I had PD.

As I watch Still, and see how Michael walks and his movements at the time of the documentary, it instills fear in me.  It is incredibly hard to watch.  I cannot look too far into the future.  No two people with PD are the same.  We do not know how long we will live nor how fast it will progress.  My doctor told me, “People live for decades with Parkinson’s.  You will not die from it, you will die with it.  You are at more risk with your heart disease than you are with Parkinson’s.”  Then, he looked me straight in the eyes and said, “I am going to do everything I can to help you.”  That last statement meant the world to me.

In preparation for this blog, I did a lot of reading by other bloggers with PD.  Hear me out – if you look too far ahead of where you are at the moment, it is really dang depressing!  I may not know where this journey is going to take me, but thankfully, I only have to think about where I am today! 

God has blessed me in many ways during my life.  It may sound odd but there are blessings in living with heart disease and PD.  Life is fragile but it is meant to be lived. I refuse to give up or give in.  I am not going to sit down and give in to becoming an aging grandmother with limitations.  Nope, not this girl!  I am living my life to the fullest.  I am taking on new adventures, and have big goals for 2024.  

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you;  I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” 
Isaiah 41:10